Peter Griffin Craps Himself

1. Peter Griffin Craps Himself Meme
2. Family Guy Peter Craps Himself At Work
3. Peter Griffin Craps Himself Video

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

1. 'Blind Ambition' is the third episode of the fourth season of the American animated sitcom Family Guy. It was first broadcast on Fox in the United States on May 15, 2005. In the episode, Peter swallows an excessive number of nickels, causing him to become blind.
2. The Joy of Painting is a show about a stupid, ugly creep with big puffy hair, who probably craps in his pants. He paints pictures of naked ladies, because it pleasures him. He paints pictures of naked ladies, because it pleasures him.
3. Peter Griffin Craps Himself 5 spins. If I Peter Griffin Craps Himself get a big win during these 5 spins, then I will just cancel the bonus of €100 and Peter Griffin Craps Himself withdraw the rest. Worst case scenario I don't win anything, reach my bonus balance and play lower stakes on a highly volatile game like Dead or Alive.
4. . Peter Griffin himself indulges on toilet humor and goes into a laughing fit whenever someone just mentions doody or a variation of it. Peter craps his pants.

'Blind Ambition' is the third episode of the fourth season of the American animated sitcom Family Guy. It was first broadcast on Fox in the United States on May 15, 2005.^[1] In the episode, Peter swallows an excessive number of nickels, causing him to become blind. He later becomes a hero after unwittingly saving Horace the bartender from a fire at his bar, The Drunken Clam, and then regains his sight. Meanwhile, Quagmire is forced to refrain from perverse sexual behavior or risk being driven out of the neighborhood following his arrest for spying on Lois in a ladies' lavatory.^[2]

Plot[edit]

At the bowling alley, Mort Goldman bowls a perfect game and becomes an overnight celebrity. Lois arrives to pick Peter up from the bowling alley, but discovers Quagmirespying on her from the ceiling of the ladies' toilet. Quagmire is arrested, but released shortly after by Joe. On his return, Lois, Bonnie and Loretta reveal that they're petitioning the city of Quahog to have Quagmire removed from their neighborhood. As Peter and the other guys are defending Quagmire, Ernie the Giant Chicken attacks Peter and starts a fight that causes huge casualties inside and outside of Quahog. After the fight, Peter returns to the neighborhood to return to the conversation and tells the women that 'Quagmire's a good guy, he's just a little mixed up, that's all!' Eventually, the women agree to let Quagmire stay in the neighborhood so long as he manages to control his perverse behavior. Quagmire's taught self-control through operant conditioning by Peter and his friends, and is eventually allowed out in public. Soon, however, he is distracted by three cheerleaders playing in a fountain in the shopping mall and panics, running into a CCTV camera operation room monitoring women's changing rooms. Discovering that an attractive blonde lady in a fitting room is having a heart attack, he appears to rush to her aid, performing CPR and saving her life. Quagmire is congratulated for his heroism, but his intention had been to molest the woman while she was unconscious (which he reveals by asking 'What the hell is CPR?').^[2]

This upsets Peter, who is disappointed to notice that he is the one amongst his friends who hasn't been successful. In the hope of becoming famous, Peter attempts to set a world record for eating the largest number of nickels, but develops nickel poisoning and loses his vision. Attempting to drown his sorrows, Peter visits his local bar, The Drunken Clam, with his guide dog, unaware that the bar is on fire (caused by God trying to impress a woman). Discovering the bartender Horace trapped under debris, Peter saves his life and is proclaimed a hero by local newsman Tom Tucker. When told that he saved Horace from a burning building, Peter replies with disbelief, 'That freakin' place was on fire?!' For his inadvertent bravery, Peter is awarded a medal by the mayor and receives an eye transplant, the replacement eyes coming from a homeless man dragged to death when Peter accidentally tied his guide dog's leash around the man's neck, thinking he was a parking meter. The end of this episode is an unconnected parody of the closing scene from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.

Production[edit]

During Family Guy's third season, the show was cancelled by its network. In preparation in case the show was revived and began broadcasting again, five short scripts were written in 2001 for future episodes.^[3]Blind Ambition was developed from one of those scripts.^[3] A number of scenes in the episode were removed before broadcast and one, the reappearance of Ernie the Giant Chicken, had originally been set to broadcast in 'The Cleveland–Loretta Quagmire'. The scene was moved to this episode because 'The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire' already contained a lengthy fight sequence and overran its time allowance.^[3][4][5] Several of the removed scenes focused on gags showing Peter and his friends attempting to rehabilitate Quagmire, one of which saw Brian Griffin transporting a fork-lift truck load of porn magazines away from Quagmire's house.^[3] Since the episode aired, a selection of action figures have been created of Peter acting as Gary, The No Trash Cougar.^[6]

Show producer David Goodman received many telephone calls complaining about the scene where Peter attempts to seduce his son Chris, mistakenly believing him to be his wife, Lois. The scene was believed by some viewers to be encouraging child molestation.^[3] The show also received at least one letter of complaint regarding the scene where Quagmire watches Lois going to the toilet;^[3] screenwriter Chris Sheridan comments on the DVD commentary that the number of complaints about this scene exceeded one.^[6] It is prohibited on Fox to use the term 'Jesus Christ' without actually referring to the person himself, and so in the scene in which God vaporises a person and exclaims 'Jesus Christ', it was necessary for Jesus to physically appear before the two run away in order for the scene to be suitable for television airing.^[3][4]

In addition to the regular cast, actor Gary Cole, actress Gina Gershon, actor Judd Hirsch, voice actress Rachael MacFarlane and actress Lisa Wilhoit guest starred in the episode. Recurring guest voice actors Lori Alan, actor John G. Brennan, writer Danny Smith, and actress Jennifer Tilly made minor appearances.

Cultural references[edit]

• Stewie discovers the Keebler Elves after crashing into the tree, who plan to kill their competition: Snap, Crackle and Pop, with the help of Judd Hirsch's nuclear weapon, which Peter views while peeking through a ball return at the bowling alley.^[4] Later on in the bar, Crackle and Pop are seen discussing an attack by the Keebler Elves which apparently resulted in Snap's death.
• Beforehand, a ship crashes through Quahog buildings, a reference to Speed 2: Cruise Control.^[3][4]
• In one cutaway scene, W. Frederick Gerhardt's Cycleplane crashing is parodied.
• Peter discusses Scrubs with Horace in the bar, a show for which both Neil Goldman and Garrett Donovan have written.^[3]
• In another cutaway scene, Peter recalls living at Superman's Fortress of Solitude with Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman and Aquaman, and being annoyed that they have run out of Mr. PiBB and Cheez-Its.
• The entire scene in which Peter receives his award from Mayor West is a reenactment of the ending of the original 1977 Star Wars film, A New Hope; Lucasfilm permitted the reproduction of the characters, music and sounds.^[4]
• The airplane that defeats Ernie the Giant Chicken in the fight is a mirror reference to the climatic scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark.^[5]
• Stewie being launched into a tree is a reference to The Brady Bunch.^[3]

Reception[edit]

PopMatters' Kevin Wong gave the episode a positive review, feeling it was better than the two previous episodes of the season. He commented on the fight scene between Peter and Ernie the Giant Chicken as 'a cartoon action sequence to end all cartoon action sequences: vehicles explode and limbs flail as Peter and the chicken beat each other senseless.'^[7] 'Blind Ambition' was criticized by Mike Drucker of IGN, who found that 'the long fight with the chicken in Blind Ambition was funny once before, but borderline tiring here'. However, Drucker also noted that the Star Wars ending was 'one of my favorite jokes in the series'.^[8]

References[edit]

1. ^Blind AmbitionArchived December 21, 2008, at the Wayback Machine tv.com. Retrieved on 2007-10-28.
2. ^ ^abPlot synopsis information for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox. 2005.
3. ^ ^abcdefghijGoodman, David (2005). Family Guy volume 4 Region 1 (Season 4) DVD commentary for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
4. ^ ^abcdeCommentators (2005). Family Guy volume 4 Region 1 DVD commentary for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
5. ^ ^abCallaghan, Steve (2005). Family Guy season 4 DVD commentary for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
6. ^ ^abSheridan, Chris (2005). Family Guy season 4 DVD commentary for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
7. ^Wong, Kevin (June 13, 2005). 'Family Guy'. Popmatters.com. Archived from the original on 2007-10-14. Retrieved 2008-01-22.
8. ^Drucker, MikeMike (November 29, 2005). 'Family Guy – Volume 3'. IGN. Archived from the original on December 25, 2008. Retrieved 2008-01-15.

External links[edit]

• 'Blind Ambition' at TV.com
• 'Blind Ambition' on IMDb

Note: This is just a little something I whipped up after seeing 'Quagmire's Dad'. Brian's always been one of my favorite characters and after he was attacked unjustly, I figured that it was time for a little payback.

I don't own Family Guy, Fox and Seth Woodbury MacFarlane do

As Stewie Griffin walked along the upper hallway of the Quahog home, he hummed to himself in his innocent child-like way, pushing his grocery cart for his weekly trip to buy imaginary groceries.

'Let's see, gonna buy some oranges.. some mangos.. some apples for my sexy parties, oooh hoo hoo! Some new underwear-'

Suddenly, his ears caught the sound of someone in the bathroom and it sounded like a mix of sobbing and throwing up. Opening the door, he gasped as he saw his canine friend, Brian, clutching the toilet, tears and vomit spread all over his face. It looked like the dog had just been beaten up.

Andi eigenmann albie casino daughter dies. 'Brian! My god, what happened?'

Brian's cheeks bulged widely for a second before he opened his mouth and let out another torrent of blood and puke before he whined and turned to Stewie with a pained look in his eyes. He tried to speak, but his words sounded choked up and sorrowful.

'Quagmire.. he.. he beat me nearly to death.. he said if I come near his house he's gonna kill me.. all for sleeping with his dad.. I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS HIS FATHER!'

The small snap in Stewie's head was almost audible as he walked over to Brian and comforted him, hugging him and cooing into his ear as he cried

'It's ok, it's ok. Stewie's here..'

As much as Stewie loved to beat on Brian, to see him beat so severely for something he had no knowledge of just was unacceptable even for him..

'Brian.. just rest here for a little bit. There's something I've gotta do..'

With that Stewie left the room and went into his own, opening up his private weapons chamber and looking into it. He'd had enough of Glenn Quagmire's anger and considering the kind of man Quagmire was, he had no right to be picking on his friend. It was time for Quagmire to make amends and Stewie was gonna make sure Quagmire not only liked Brian.. but FEARED him..

10 minutes later..

Quagmire was still in his shower, trying to wash Brian's blood off his hands. He had never felt such anger, such hate.. inwardly he knew he'd never KILL Brian if he came near his house, having just said that in his rage, but it felt good to get a little vengence on the canine. It was then that a knock at the door rang out and Quagmire had a feeling he knew who was there.. and it made him pissed..

'If it's that fucking Brian, I'll wring his little neck!', he growled as he wrapped a towel around his waist and went to open the door, flinging it inwards and screaming 'WHAT?'

..then all went black.

As Quagmire's conciousness finally returned, he felt a throbbing dripping feeling on his skull.. and the sound of hard metal smacking against a palm.. and looking up, he found himself staring at the enraged visage of Stewart Gilligan Griffin

Peter Griffin Craps Himself Meme

'S-S-S-Stewie?', he gasped

Stewie didn't respond, but merely used the metal pipe he'd whacked Quagmire with to smack him in the jaw again, knocking out a tooth, before he finally spoke.

'So.. you like to beat on helpless innocent dogs, do you?'

'Brian? Brian's not inno-'

A sharp whack to his ribs cut Quagmire off as Stewie leaned down, leering into his face

'You, Glenn, are the worst type of person on this planet.. You are nothing but a hypocrite.. You accuse Brian of lusting after Lois, but you fucking got caught spying on her in the can.. you tried to hook up with her after Peter lost his memory, you used my pacifier as a sex toy, you're a convicted sex offender, pedophile, AND necrophiliac.. and you accuse Brian of being a tool.. but look at you! Brian at least TRIES to better himself with college and careers, but you.. we RARELY see you working and I wouldn't be surprised if you just got into the pilot business just so you could fuck every stewardess into the mile-high club! So what if Brian craps on the fat guy's lawn, HE'S A FUCKING DOG! DOGS DO THAT YOU IMBECILE! You've fuckin' hit on Meg, Connie.. you destroyed Cleveland's marriage and fucked Loretta's corpse.. you treat women as if they're nothing more than objects.. you act like you're some well-read snob, but in reality the closest thing to a novel you've probably ever read is the Private Parts book! But you know what.. I could possibly, POSSIBLY forgive you for all this.. but for one small fact. You're a shithead.. a hypocritical, perverted, sexist, violent little shithead!'

'But.. but Stewie.. how can yo-'

'How can I stand up for Brian knowing all I've done to him.. he barfed so much when he realized what he did he almost became anemic! He had no fucking clue who Ida was, same as she likely had no idea who BRIAN was! He's been sobbing and retching since you beat the crap out of him, which by the way I've told Lois AND the fat man about and they're considering pressing charges of assault against you.. unless you do two things..'

'What? What do they want?'

'They want you to apologize to Brian and treat him like you do Peter and Joe..'

'A-a-and.. what else..'

Stewie merely smiled before he raised the pipe up again..

'Beg.. beg for your life..'

For a half-hour afterwards, all that could be heard from the house of Glenn Quagmire was the sound of Stewie Griffin beating him within an inch of his life.

For an hour, Brian had laid with his head on the coldness of the toilet seat, a few choked sobs escaping from his throat. Lois and Peter had come in and tried comforting him after Stewie had told them about what happened, Lois even mentioning going to an attorney to press charges, but a wave of nausea and pain had overcome him and he'd thrown up all over Lois's shirt. He felt awful and scared even after Lois had rubbed his head, telling him everything would be ok. But a loud knock at the door broke him from his thoughts and, with all the strength he could muster, he staggered downstairs knowing Lois and Peter were out getting him some medical supplies and Meg and Chris were still at school and opened the door. But who he saw standing there shocked him..

'Quagmire?'

Quagmire looked like he'd just been put through a meat grinder. His eyes were blackened to the point of nearly being swollen shut, his nose was bleeding and broken, it was clear that a few teeth were gone, his clothes were torn and tatters, his arms were covered in cuts, his leg was broken, resulting in him barely being able to stand, even his HAIR was speckled now with blood.

'Brian..', Quagmire gasped out in pain, 'Brian I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I yelled at you at the restaurant.. I'm sorry I've acted like an asshole.. I'm sorry I beat you up.. Please.. please forgive me..'

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

1. 'Blind Ambition' is the third episode of the fourth season of the American animated sitcom Family Guy. It was first broadcast on Fox in the United States on May 15, 2005. In the episode, Peter swallows an excessive number of nickels, causing him to become blind.
2. The Joy of Painting is a show about a stupid, ugly creep with big puffy hair, who probably craps in his pants. He paints pictures of naked ladies, because it pleasures him. He paints pictures of naked ladies, because it pleasures him.
3. Peter Griffin Craps Himself 5 spins. If I Peter Griffin Craps Himself get a big win during these 5 spins, then I will just cancel the bonus of €100 and Peter Griffin Craps Himself withdraw the rest. Worst case scenario I don't win anything, reach my bonus balance and play lower stakes on a highly volatile game like Dead or Alive.
4. . Peter Griffin himself indulges on toilet humor and goes into a laughing fit whenever someone just mentions doody or a variation of it. Peter craps his pants.

'Blind Ambition' is the third episode of the fourth season of the American animated sitcom Family Guy. It was first broadcast on Fox in the United States on May 15, 2005.^[1] In the episode, Peter swallows an excessive number of nickels, causing him to become blind. He later becomes a hero after unwittingly saving Horace the bartender from a fire at his bar, The Drunken Clam, and then regains his sight. Meanwhile, Quagmire is forced to refrain from perverse sexual behavior or risk being driven out of the neighborhood following his arrest for spying on Lois in a ladies' lavatory.^[2]

Plot[edit]

At the bowling alley, Mort Goldman bowls a perfect game and becomes an overnight celebrity. Lois arrives to pick Peter up from the bowling alley, but discovers Quagmirespying on her from the ceiling of the ladies' toilet. Quagmire is arrested, but released shortly after by Joe. On his return, Lois, Bonnie and Loretta reveal that they're petitioning the city of Quahog to have Quagmire removed from their neighborhood. As Peter and the other guys are defending Quagmire, Ernie the Giant Chicken attacks Peter and starts a fight that causes huge casualties inside and outside of Quahog. After the fight, Peter returns to the neighborhood to return to the conversation and tells the women that 'Quagmire's a good guy, he's just a little mixed up, that's all!' Eventually, the women agree to let Quagmire stay in the neighborhood so long as he manages to control his perverse behavior. Quagmire's taught self-control through operant conditioning by Peter and his friends, and is eventually allowed out in public. Soon, however, he is distracted by three cheerleaders playing in a fountain in the shopping mall and panics, running into a CCTV camera operation room monitoring women's changing rooms. Discovering that an attractive blonde lady in a fitting room is having a heart attack, he appears to rush to her aid, performing CPR and saving her life. Quagmire is congratulated for his heroism, but his intention had been to molest the woman while she was unconscious (which he reveals by asking 'What the hell is CPR?').^[2]

This upsets Peter, who is disappointed to notice that he is the one amongst his friends who hasn't been successful. In the hope of becoming famous, Peter attempts to set a world record for eating the largest number of nickels, but develops nickel poisoning and loses his vision. Attempting to drown his sorrows, Peter visits his local bar, The Drunken Clam, with his guide dog, unaware that the bar is on fire (caused by God trying to impress a woman). Discovering the bartender Horace trapped under debris, Peter saves his life and is proclaimed a hero by local newsman Tom Tucker. When told that he saved Horace from a burning building, Peter replies with disbelief, 'That freakin' place was on fire?!' For his inadvertent bravery, Peter is awarded a medal by the mayor and receives an eye transplant, the replacement eyes coming from a homeless man dragged to death when Peter accidentally tied his guide dog's leash around the man's neck, thinking he was a parking meter. The end of this episode is an unconnected parody of the closing scene from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.

Production[edit]

During Family Guy's third season, the show was cancelled by its network. In preparation in case the show was revived and began broadcasting again, five short scripts were written in 2001 for future episodes.^[3]Blind Ambition was developed from one of those scripts.^[3] A number of scenes in the episode were removed before broadcast and one, the reappearance of Ernie the Giant Chicken, had originally been set to broadcast in 'The Cleveland–Loretta Quagmire'. The scene was moved to this episode because 'The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire' already contained a lengthy fight sequence and overran its time allowance.^[3][4][5] Several of the removed scenes focused on gags showing Peter and his friends attempting to rehabilitate Quagmire, one of which saw Brian Griffin transporting a fork-lift truck load of porn magazines away from Quagmire's house.^[3] Since the episode aired, a selection of action figures have been created of Peter acting as Gary, The No Trash Cougar.^[6]

Show producer David Goodman received many telephone calls complaining about the scene where Peter attempts to seduce his son Chris, mistakenly believing him to be his wife, Lois. The scene was believed by some viewers to be encouraging child molestation.^[3] The show also received at least one letter of complaint regarding the scene where Quagmire watches Lois going to the toilet;^[3] screenwriter Chris Sheridan comments on the DVD commentary that the number of complaints about this scene exceeded one.^[6] It is prohibited on Fox to use the term 'Jesus Christ' without actually referring to the person himself, and so in the scene in which God vaporises a person and exclaims 'Jesus Christ', it was necessary for Jesus to physically appear before the two run away in order for the scene to be suitable for television airing.^[3][4]

In addition to the regular cast, actor Gary Cole, actress Gina Gershon, actor Judd Hirsch, voice actress Rachael MacFarlane and actress Lisa Wilhoit guest starred in the episode. Recurring guest voice actors Lori Alan, actor John G. Brennan, writer Danny Smith, and actress Jennifer Tilly made minor appearances.

Cultural references[edit]

• Stewie discovers the Keebler Elves after crashing into the tree, who plan to kill their competition: Snap, Crackle and Pop, with the help of Judd Hirsch's nuclear weapon, which Peter views while peeking through a ball return at the bowling alley.^[4] Later on in the bar, Crackle and Pop are seen discussing an attack by the Keebler Elves which apparently resulted in Snap's death.
• Beforehand, a ship crashes through Quahog buildings, a reference to Speed 2: Cruise Control.^[3][4]
• In one cutaway scene, W. Frederick Gerhardt's Cycleplane crashing is parodied.
• Peter discusses Scrubs with Horace in the bar, a show for which both Neil Goldman and Garrett Donovan have written.^[3]
• In another cutaway scene, Peter recalls living at Superman's Fortress of Solitude with Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman and Aquaman, and being annoyed that they have run out of Mr. PiBB and Cheez-Its.
• The entire scene in which Peter receives his award from Mayor West is a reenactment of the ending of the original 1977 Star Wars film, A New Hope; Lucasfilm permitted the reproduction of the characters, music and sounds.^[4]
• The airplane that defeats Ernie the Giant Chicken in the fight is a mirror reference to the climatic scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark.^[5]
• Stewie being launched into a tree is a reference to The Brady Bunch.^[3]

Reception[edit]

PopMatters' Kevin Wong gave the episode a positive review, feeling it was better than the two previous episodes of the season. He commented on the fight scene between Peter and Ernie the Giant Chicken as 'a cartoon action sequence to end all cartoon action sequences: vehicles explode and limbs flail as Peter and the chicken beat each other senseless.'^[7] 'Blind Ambition' was criticized by Mike Drucker of IGN, who found that 'the long fight with the chicken in Blind Ambition was funny once before, but borderline tiring here'. However, Drucker also noted that the Star Wars ending was 'one of my favorite jokes in the series'.^[8]

References[edit]

1. ^Blind AmbitionArchived December 21, 2008, at the Wayback Machine tv.com. Retrieved on 2007-10-28.
2. ^ ^abPlot synopsis information for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox. 2005.
3. ^ ^abcdefghijGoodman, David (2005). Family Guy volume 4 Region 1 (Season 4) DVD commentary for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
4. ^ ^abcdeCommentators (2005). Family Guy volume 4 Region 1 DVD commentary for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
5. ^ ^abCallaghan, Steve (2005). Family Guy season 4 DVD commentary for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
6. ^ ^abSheridan, Chris (2005). Family Guy season 4 DVD commentary for the episode 'Blind Ambition' (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
7. ^Wong, Kevin (June 13, 2005). 'Family Guy'. Popmatters.com. Archived from the original on 2007-10-14. Retrieved 2008-01-22.
8. ^Drucker, MikeMike (November 29, 2005). 'Family Guy – Volume 3'. IGN. Archived from the original on December 25, 2008. Retrieved 2008-01-15.

External links[edit]

• 'Blind Ambition' at TV.com
• 'Blind Ambition' on IMDb

Note: This is just a little something I whipped up after seeing 'Quagmire's Dad'. Brian's always been one of my favorite characters and after he was attacked unjustly, I figured that it was time for a little payback.

I don't own Family Guy, Fox and Seth Woodbury MacFarlane do

As Stewie Griffin walked along the upper hallway of the Quahog home, he hummed to himself in his innocent child-like way, pushing his grocery cart for his weekly trip to buy imaginary groceries.

'Let's see, gonna buy some oranges.. some mangos.. some apples for my sexy parties, oooh hoo hoo! Some new underwear-'

Suddenly, his ears caught the sound of someone in the bathroom and it sounded like a mix of sobbing and throwing up. Opening the door, he gasped as he saw his canine friend, Brian, clutching the toilet, tears and vomit spread all over his face. It looked like the dog had just been beaten up.

Andi eigenmann albie casino daughter dies. 'Brian! My god, what happened?'

Brian's cheeks bulged widely for a second before he opened his mouth and let out another torrent of blood and puke before he whined and turned to Stewie with a pained look in his eyes. He tried to speak, but his words sounded choked up and sorrowful.

'Quagmire.. he.. he beat me nearly to death.. he said if I come near his house he's gonna kill me.. all for sleeping with his dad.. I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS HIS FATHER!'

The small snap in Stewie's head was almost audible as he walked over to Brian and comforted him, hugging him and cooing into his ear as he cried

'It's ok, it's ok. Stewie's here..'

As much as Stewie loved to beat on Brian, to see him beat so severely for something he had no knowledge of just was unacceptable even for him..

'Brian.. just rest here for a little bit. There's something I've gotta do..'

With that Stewie left the room and went into his own, opening up his private weapons chamber and looking into it. He'd had enough of Glenn Quagmire's anger and considering the kind of man Quagmire was, he had no right to be picking on his friend. It was time for Quagmire to make amends and Stewie was gonna make sure Quagmire not only liked Brian.. but FEARED him..

10 minutes later..

Quagmire was still in his shower, trying to wash Brian's blood off his hands. He had never felt such anger, such hate.. inwardly he knew he'd never KILL Brian if he came near his house, having just said that in his rage, but it felt good to get a little vengence on the canine. It was then that a knock at the door rang out and Quagmire had a feeling he knew who was there.. and it made him pissed..

'If it's that fucking Brian, I'll wring his little neck!', he growled as he wrapped a towel around his waist and went to open the door, flinging it inwards and screaming 'WHAT?'

..then all went black.

As Quagmire's conciousness finally returned, he felt a throbbing dripping feeling on his skull.. and the sound of hard metal smacking against a palm.. and looking up, he found himself staring at the enraged visage of Stewart Gilligan Griffin

Peter Griffin Craps Himself Meme

'S-S-S-Stewie?', he gasped

Stewie didn't respond, but merely used the metal pipe he'd whacked Quagmire with to smack him in the jaw again, knocking out a tooth, before he finally spoke.

'So.. you like to beat on helpless innocent dogs, do you?'

'Brian? Brian's not inno-'

A sharp whack to his ribs cut Quagmire off as Stewie leaned down, leering into his face

'You, Glenn, are the worst type of person on this planet.. You are nothing but a hypocrite.. You accuse Brian of lusting after Lois, but you fucking got caught spying on her in the can.. you tried to hook up with her after Peter lost his memory, you used my pacifier as a sex toy, you're a convicted sex offender, pedophile, AND necrophiliac.. and you accuse Brian of being a tool.. but look at you! Brian at least TRIES to better himself with college and careers, but you.. we RARELY see you working and I wouldn't be surprised if you just got into the pilot business just so you could fuck every stewardess into the mile-high club! So what if Brian craps on the fat guy's lawn, HE'S A FUCKING DOG! DOGS DO THAT YOU IMBECILE! You've fuckin' hit on Meg, Connie.. you destroyed Cleveland's marriage and fucked Loretta's corpse.. you treat women as if they're nothing more than objects.. you act like you're some well-read snob, but in reality the closest thing to a novel you've probably ever read is the Private Parts book! But you know what.. I could possibly, POSSIBLY forgive you for all this.. but for one small fact. You're a shithead.. a hypocritical, perverted, sexist, violent little shithead!'

'But.. but Stewie.. how can yo-'

'How can I stand up for Brian knowing all I've done to him.. he barfed so much when he realized what he did he almost became anemic! He had no fucking clue who Ida was, same as she likely had no idea who BRIAN was! He's been sobbing and retching since you beat the crap out of him, which by the way I've told Lois AND the fat man about and they're considering pressing charges of assault against you.. unless you do two things..'

'What? What do they want?'

'They want you to apologize to Brian and treat him like you do Peter and Joe..'

'A-a-and.. what else..'

Stewie merely smiled before he raised the pipe up again..

'Beg.. beg for your life..'

For a half-hour afterwards, all that could be heard from the house of Glenn Quagmire was the sound of Stewie Griffin beating him within an inch of his life.

For an hour, Brian had laid with his head on the coldness of the toilet seat, a few choked sobs escaping from his throat. Lois and Peter had come in and tried comforting him after Stewie had told them about what happened, Lois even mentioning going to an attorney to press charges, but a wave of nausea and pain had overcome him and he'd thrown up all over Lois's shirt. He felt awful and scared even after Lois had rubbed his head, telling him everything would be ok. But a loud knock at the door broke him from his thoughts and, with all the strength he could muster, he staggered downstairs knowing Lois and Peter were out getting him some medical supplies and Meg and Chris were still at school and opened the door. But who he saw standing there shocked him..

'Quagmire?'

Quagmire looked like he'd just been put through a meat grinder. His eyes were blackened to the point of nearly being swollen shut, his nose was bleeding and broken, it was clear that a few teeth were gone, his clothes were torn and tatters, his arms were covered in cuts, his leg was broken, resulting in him barely being able to stand, even his HAIR was speckled now with blood.

'Brian..', Quagmire gasped out in pain, 'Brian I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I yelled at you at the restaurant.. I'm sorry I've acted like an asshole.. I'm sorry I beat you up.. Please.. please forgive me..'

'You expect me to forgive you? After what yo-'

It was then that Brian happened to glance to Glenn's side and he saw Stewie there, calmly patting the now blood-splattered pipe across his palm.

'Quagmire, he didn't..'

Family Guy Peter Craps Himself At Work

Quagmire nodded and coughed out a tooth and a few specks of blood before he spoke. 'He said if I ever try anything like that again, he'll turn me from Glenn to Glenda.. if you don't forgive me.. I think he's gonna kill me..'

The dog sighed and rubbed a paw on his head, trying to collect all the information he'd just gotten.

'Alright, alright.. You're forgiven..'

Quagmire gave a weak smile and extended his hand out to Brian. 'Friends?'

Peter Griffin Craps Himself Video

He smiled and shook his hand. 'Friends..'

Feeling his strength fading from the beating, Brian turned and went upstairs to Lois and Peter's room to rest, leaving Stewie and Quagmire alone on the lawn.

'Alright.. you may go..', The baby said coldly, motioning for Quagmire to head back into his house, 'But you EVER lay a hand on Brian again..I'll give you a personal demonstration what it's like to have your penis turned inside out.. clear?'

'C-crystal..', Quagmire stammered as he crawled away to his house, leaving Stewie there to chuckle for a moment before heading back inside.

Back in Lois and Peter's room, Brian laid out on top of the bed, trying to get back some of his energy from all that had happened to him in the course of a few hours when he saw Stewie walk in.

'So Bri.. how you feelin'?', Stewie asked him as he climbed up onto the bed.

'Stewie.. why'd you do this for me?', Brian asked as he got himself into a sitting position with difficulty

'Brian, only one person is allowed to beat on you.. and that's me. Not Quagmire, not Chris, not anyone else but me! You're my friend and that's what friends do for the ones they love.'

Brian whimpered and hugged Stewie tightly, sobbing as the 1-year-old held him tightly, patting his back and cooing to him.

'There there.. Stewie's here.. and everything's gonna be all better..'

But what Brian couldn't see.. was a cold, calm smile on Stewie Griffin's face. He knew no one else would believe that Quagmire got beat up by a baby and even so, he'd 'coaxed' him into saying he fell down a flight of stairs.. and if somehow he DID try to tell anyone else..

Well, let's just say he'd gotten very good at digging holes.